Carmine
by SeanEmma4Evr
Summary: All she wants is the chance to say goodbye, to let go, but will the Cullens let her? And how can they let her go, knowing what she's doing? Here is a different take of AU New Moon, where Bella embraces her inner-vampire On hold indefinitely
1. Maybe

_**Carmine **_**- Twilight**

_Pairing_: Canon  
_Rating_: T  
_Summary_: All she wants is the chance to say goodbye, to let go, but will the Cullens let her? And how _can_ they let her go, knowing what she's doing? Carmine, a deep red color, is more than just a description for wine. AU for New Moon.  
_Current Book_:_ Wuthering Heights _by Emily Bronte  
_Current Fanfiction_: "Holding Out For You" by ObsessingOverEdward  
_Current Music_: "Nowhere Warm" by Kate Havnevik

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**Maybe**

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Walking along the pretty streets of Chicago brought upon memories I shouldn't have to face. Haven't I been through enough? How many ways can one heart be mangled and still continue to beat? Not that my heart beat or anything, but it's the principle, the idea.

The various humans passing me by were made up mostly of couples and families. I'm torturing myself further, I suppose, staring at the love, reminding me of what I once had.

What I lost.

I guess I can't say lost. Rather, I should say I had it taken away from me.

He didn't love me.

I could never blame him for it given his reasons. I wasn't anything special in my human life. Even now, now that I'm like him, I'm not particularly anything special. Sure, to human eyes, ears, and noses I'm a gift from above. My long, dark hair frames the pale contours of my face, making my eyes standout like jewels in my face.

To them I'm pretty.

I wish I was pretty to someone else.

It's been forty years since I've seen him. Forty years since I've seen that perfect face and his crooked smile and heard his beautiful laugh.

I'd give up everything to see him again.

But I figure since my dying wish was to see him just one more time, to see his eyes and crooked smile before my heart stopped beating, and I_ still _didn't see him, then there's little hope for me finding him.

Doesn't stop me from wandering the earth like a zombie, desperate for just the faintest hint of contact with any Cullen. I'm probably the most pathetic being in existence given I've spent the last thirty years of my undead life searching for a family that may very not exist. Maybe Forks was just a grand delusion. Or maybe my mind concocted up some fascinating premonition to alert me of my future as a vampire. Either way, a small part of me genuinely searches for them if only to confirm that they were real. That_ he_ was real.

I can admit that I do not remember much from my human life at this point. Other than...him, I can only remember key things about the family. I know Carlisle was a doctor and Rosalie despised me, though the reasons are hazy. I remember Emmett's loud, boisterous laugh and I even remember they lived in a large, white house.

Him, though; him I can remember a lot.

So I go from city to city, state to state, country to country, all in the hope of seeing them, of hearing them, of getting the chance to say goodbye to the family I always wanted. I never got to even tell Alice how much her friendship meant to me or Carlisle and Esme how I already thought of myself as their daughter, even if they didn't reciprocate. I wanted to tell Emmett and Jasper how their presence in my life filled me with laughter and the ease of feeling protected. I even wanted to apologize to Rosalie for whatever the hell I did to her.

Then, following that, I'd leave Edward and his family alone. Maybe having peace of mind would allow me to get through eternity, let me move on. Or maybe it would do the opposite and prove to me that a life without him isn't worth living. Maybe it would finally give me the courage to just end it all, burn myself to pieces or go see the Volturi for the third time.

Maybe.

"Bella?"

I knew that voice.

I_ know_ that voice.

I _love _that voice.

Looking up, my eyes met a pair of gold ones.

"What happened to you?"

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* * *

_A/N: Okay, this is way different from anything I've ever done on here. I know in great respect this story is the cliche - if Edward never came back and had Bella been changed - but I'm trying to form a new spin on it. You see, _New Moon_ is my favorite of the four books and numerous stories have been posted regarding this story-line. However, none of them have taken key items into account that I'd like to look into here. For instance, Bella's memory is usually always perfectly intact. This bothers me - vampires forget their human lives. I'm attempting to take that into this story. I'd tell you more, but that would give away to many things. I've left several hints in this short chapter alone - any guesses? Perhaps on the title itself?_

_This is just the start, so please let me know what you think. I'll do my best to update frequently, though I have not determined how frequent or how long any of the chapters shall be._

_And special thanks to _Chanteur d'ombre _for catching some of my ridiculous mistakes._

_Carmine __i__s the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the featured story is mine_.


	2. Alice Opens Her Eyes

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_Current Book_:_ Wuthering Heights _by Emily Bronte  
_Current Fanfiction_: "Dying By Degrees" by Reamhar  
_Current Music_: "Nobody Wins" by The Veronicas

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**Alice Opens Her Eyes**

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It still baffles me whenever I think about all the silly fashion trends I see each year. Even now, at the height of some of the most prominent careers in fashion, these people produce truly lackluster items for the shelves.

I threw the newest issue of_ Slink _on my desk, pulling a face when it slid directly next to some of my older magazines. When _Vogue_ inevitably went out of business following a scandal involving the head editor, has-been actress Kirsten Dunst, and some of the skankiest pictures to ever hit the internet in 2014, I was forced to find solace in some of the lesser known magazines. _Slink_ seemed promising and with the potential to be great, an anonymous source donated half a million dollars in order to help push the magazine to greater sights. Rose and I had no idea that our little investment would boost the numbers so high that fashion would no longer remain a priority in the magazine. The editors would print any kooky outfit if they thought would sell.

Ridiculous.

I sighed into my hand. Who knew Chicago could be so boring? Obviously there is more to do here than in Alaska or...well, elsewhere, but it didn't change how monotonous our routine had become here.

Carlisle went to work while Esme stayed at the house, maintaining her role as doting wife and interior designer. Rosalie and I recently enrolled in a local knitting class at a nearby yarn store. The store, run by a woman in her late sixties named Carolina and her husband Patrick, worked in direct affiliation with a cancer organization. Rose and I have been making the chemotherapy patients knit caps to keep their heads warm. Meanwhile, our husbands entertained themselves by volunteering at a tree farm in close proximity to our store. With their supernatural strength and sheer will, our boys helped the men at the lumberyard finish the day quickly.

Today, however, was a Sunday, meaning the store and the yard were both closed. We had nothing to do.

"Emmett-bear, let's go hunting," said Rosalie, the rustling of pages (no doubt from the same magazine I just threw away) in the background. "I've got a hankering for caribou, and it should be nice this time of year."

"Caribou?" he questioned. I could practically hear his eyebrows lifting up his stony face. "Where do you plan on finding any caribou at this hour in Chicago?"

Before I had time to contemplate Rose's bizarre request (she's always demanding something completely out of the question - always wants what she wants when she wants it), a vision swarmed my mind before I could even blink.

_Lost in thought, staring at her small feet, was Bella. Only, she was far from the girl we left years before. Instead of being significantly older, walking around with a cane or some motorized contraption they've got people on these days, she moved across the sidewalk as a young woman in her prime; the age in which we left her_.

_Alabaster skin. Long, thick brown hair. Graceful. Undeniably graceful. Swift. Not Bella_...

_Her head snapped up, her eyes landing on me. Her eyes_...

The gasp left me before I could suppress it, and I know more than just Jasper questioned me for it. I knew I only had about seconds before this would hit him (all the years of being without his mate had made him care less to the point of being completely devoid of all emotion. Nothing mattered to him anymore) so I clamped on the vision firmly and began focusing on the words to every annoying song I could think of. Then I thought better of it - he knows my tactic for keeping him out of my head. So instead I conjured up every lurid thought I'd had about Jasper yesterday. It was undeniably cruel, but necessary none the less.

_Jasper, rubbing his hands down my bare thighs, lingering directly below my knee. His teeth nipped along my ear before he slid his lips down my neck, his intent clear—_

SLAM!

And there goes Edward.

Again, it was shameful to put him through that, to force him to witness intimacy he no longer had, but it was necessary. Seeing Bella...she's changed. She's the same yet different.

Confident Edward was no longer in hearing distance, I shouted, "Family meeting!"

I raced down the stairs, smiling excitedly when I turned around to see my family. Jasper stepped forward to take my hand, meeting my gaze, silently asking me to share my vision.

"Please don't leave us in suspense," Carlisle said, voicing Jasper's wordless plead. "I assume this has something to do with Edward storming from the house?"

I nodded, exclaiming, "We've got to go into town!"

Emmett and Jasper exchanged glances while Esme and Carlisle continued to stare at me, searching for more answers. Rosalie merely huffed and stared down at her nails, uninterested in anything not directly about her.

Rolling my eyes, I returned my gaze back to Carlisle and continued, "We've got to go right now. And Edward...he needs to go, too."

Now that managed to capture everyone's interest.

"Alice, you know Edward won't be up for any particular type of outing. Since you've made him rush out, no doubt with your thoughts, I don't think he'll be coming back any time soon."

"He'll want to for this," I told him, clapping my hands together. "Carlisle, Bella is here."

Five sets of eyes snapped on me, widening at the realization of what I just said. It didn't register to me that they would take it the wrong way. Rosalie, smirking at the prospect, alerted me to their misconception.

"Well," she said, "I suppose Edward will love seeing his little human at fifty-eight. Maybe he won't find her so perfect now."

"Rosalie," Esme chided, clearly still flabbergasted at my announcement. "Don't make this harder on h—"

"You don't understand," I interrupted, eager for us all to go find Bella and bring her home. "Bella, she's been turned! She looks exactly the same as she did forty years ago."

For a moment, I thought Esme might actually crumple to the floor whilst Carlisle appeared genuinely scared. I noticed Jasper and Emmett exchange looks, their thoughts obviously turning toward Edward while Rosalie just stared at me, shocked.

"Are you saying she is a vampire, Alice?" asked Carlisle, his voice small.

Nodding excitedly, I answered, "Yes! And we're going to be meeting up with her in less than three hours so the boys need to go find Edward. He's going to flip—"

"That's an understatement," murmured Emmett in a low voice.

"—but I think it's better if we're all there. From what I can tell, Bella...well, she's clearly had a tough time."

"What do you mean?" asked Jasper. I gave him a warm smile, loving how thoughtful he always seems to be.

"I only got a short little glimpse, but her eyes...something was wrong with them. My vision was hazy, but when it comes down to it, we're going to need to find her. We can't let her get away from us again. We _need_ to find her. Now."

"Let's go."

Shockingly enough, the words came from Esme.

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Turns out, getting Edward to cooperate proved more challenging than even I anticipated.

Stupid, stubborn, idiot brother.

It took over two full hours to convince Edward to come home. Normally he left for the entire evening when he knew one of us was about to be intimate, fearing of walking home to see or hear anything. We understood he envied each of us, wishing he could experience the same love with Bella.

The love he gave up.

Once he finally was in the house, he refused to move, not even when Esme went into a fit of hysterical sobs. At that point, Carlisle sided with Edward and told him, and us, he could remain at home. He followed it up by telling Rosalie and Emmett to remain at home as well, to watch him.

So Edward trudged back to his room while Jasper and I hopped into the back of Carlisle's Mercedes. I almost wanted to demand we take Edward's Volvo, just to spite my dear brother, but it wouldn't have done any good. He long since stopped driving the Volvo.

Actually, he long since stopped doing anything. Short of feeding every two weeks and leaving the house whenever he heard anything remotely sensual between one of us, Edward did not leave his room.

Poor thing.

Once we reached Second Street, well beyond Madison Avenue, I motioned for Carlisle to pull over and park, eager for the day's events to get underway. It was only a matter of time before we would spot her.

"Alice," said Esme, turning around in the front seat to meet my eyes, "when and where do we see Bella?"

Rubbing my temples, I tried to figured out the location. All I could see was her face - nothing about the surrounding area registered to me.

Jasper's soothing hand beneath the back of my neck calmed me some, but it hardly provided the inspiration I needed to find Bella. Which was unusual. Normally Jasper's touch could do anything. Spark anything. Make me see—

_Her small feet silently moved across a dark pathway surrounded by water lilies. A lone frog jumped from one pad to another, making her quirk her head to the side_...

"Aha!" I squeaked, clapping my hands together. I kissed Jasper's cheek. "Thank you, darling. Now I know where she is!"

He didn't question me, just like normal, and followed me as I whisked toward the park about four blocks away. Carlisle and Esme trailed behind, just as eager to catch a glimpse of their should-have-been daughter.

"I wonder how much is different. How much do you think she's changed?"

Esme's question ignited something inside me. Maybe it was the loyalty I had for her, in spite of listening to Edward's demand when he asked us to leave, but I desperately wanted to see the same old Bella. I knew she would have physical alterations - to a degree - based on the vampire beauty, but it would be the same Bella. We would find her and get her to come home with us, where she has always belonged.

"I don't know, dear," Carlisle answered in a tone meant to comfort though he just sounded unsure. "We'll have to approach her slowly, I think, and hopefully she'll be willing to speak with us."

"Of course she will!"

I was confident. Overconfident, perhaps, but I knew Bella would be the same girl. I just knew it.

It wasn't until I came face to face with her that I realized just how wrong I was.

She was walking silently across a dark pathway surrounded by water lilies, just like I envisioned, when her eyes met mine.

Her eyes...

"What happened to you?"

The words left my mouth before I could stop them.

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_A/N: Wow, I did not think this would take forever to get out. But it did - college finals are tough in my third year, so please bear with me (I did awesome, by the way) - but I've decided to change my writing around. Instead of posting uber long chapters, I think I'll give you shorter ones and make them more frequent. Savvy?_

_Also, the information regarding Chicago was based entirely on information from Wikipedia. I've only been to Chicago once and my stay involved the airport lobby only. I apologize if it's inaccurate._

Carmine _is the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the featured story is mine._


	3. Fight or Flight

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_Current Book_:_ Wuthering Heights_ by Emily Bronte  
_Current Fanfiction_: "Dying By Degrees" by Reamhar  
_Current Music_: "Landing in London" by 3 Doors Down

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**Fight or Flight**

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"What happened to you?"

I jerked my head immediately, eager to locate one of my favorite voices in the entire universe. And there they were.

The Cullens.

Carlisle, compassionate Carlisle, beside his beautiful wife, Esme, was standing a few feet from me. The two of them, their eyes wide and mouths partially open, were staring like they'd never seen me before.

Oh God, what they must think of me now.

Beside them stood Jasper, his face an image of pure disbelief. I found this odd - I thought I remembered him being more composed. From the foggy memories through my human vision I still have of him, he was always so stoic and calm.

And if the calm one is staring at me like I just killed his mother, how will the others react to me?

Then there was Alice, the one who spoke her words aloud. Her face was clouded in...pain? I couldn't understand it. What could possibly have hurt her?

"Alice?" I choked out, taking a step toward her.

Immediately Jasper moved in front of Alice, bending down to a crouch. I gasped, taking several steps back and preparing myself for flight. Clearly, I was not welcome.

"NO!" Alice shouted, attempting to move around Jasper. "_Please,_ Bella, don't leave!"

Sheer will kept me rooted to the ground, but I did not take a step toward them again. With Jasper still crouched and his intimidating stare on me, I maintained a readiness to run at a second's notice.

Alice continued, "Don't be frightened, Bella. We just want to talk."

"I'm sorry," I murmured, taking another step away from them.

"No,_ please_, Bella," she begged, "Don't leave. We just...you're eyes."

Then it hit me.

Oh.

My eyes.

I guess they would be put off by that.

Oh, no.

Would they allow me to say goodbye? Do they even care now? I've gone against everything they believe in, I'm the monster Edward never wanted to become. What will_ he_ think of me?

"I'm sorry," I repeated, though for a different reason.

As inconceivable as it probably seems, it never occurred to me to consider how they would react to my eyes. Blood red. The color of wine. The color of the only contact I've had since my change.

I'm such an idiot.

"I d-didn't...think," I mumbled lamely, taking another two steps away, eager to have their stares off me. "I'm unwelcome," I continued quickly, "I'll go. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Bella, _no_!" shouted Alice yet again.

A whimper escaped my mouth that no human ears could have ever picked up on. The vampires present, however, most definitely picked up on it and this set everything in motion.

Alice continued, "We just want to talk," right as Esme started, "Bella, honey, please listen to us."

I was torn.

Genuinely torn.

Here they were! I've spent years upon years searching for the faces in front of me and now running seemed like the only safe, and _sane, _option. With Jasper looking at me like an irritable grizzly, I felt it necessary to get away. The look in his eyes appeared familiar, so it was difficult to remember whether or not this was common during my human life. Did he even like me when I was human?

"At least, give us the evening, Bella," Esme pleaded, sounding despondent.

Nice one, Bella. Upset his mother. That will really make him happy.

"P-p-pardon me, but," I began, keeping my eyes focused on Jasper and my fists clenched, "what exactly do you wish me to give?"

"The chance to speak with you," said Carlisle, finally taking a step forward and wrapping his arm around Esme. I didn't miss his minute tug on her arm as he made to stand in front of her.

Protecting her.

I didn't blame him, really.

I was a monster after all.

"Please come to our home," said Alice, giving me an encouraging smile. "Come sit with us and allow us to..."

"To what?" I asked, my words hardly more than a whisper.

Throwing a cautious glance at Carlisle first, she answered, "To catch up. For us _all_ to catch up."

It would have been wise to walk away.

It would have been best for me to decline, bid them farewell, and take off before any of them could burn me to the ground.

I was risking myself by going with them, putting myself at their mercy.

Then again, what was I living for?

So, instead of fighting and running and returning to my place with the guard, I gave a simple reply.

"Okay."

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The Cullen mansion was spectacular. The beautiful abode looked like it was cast out of the sixteenth century, something King Henry VIII might have owned and occupied during his copious affairs. The romantic style made it appear comfortable, inviting, and luxurious. At four separate stories, I figured each couple and Edward each had their own floor.

Or...whoever Edward is with now.

I blanched.

What if he's already with another woman?

Would I be able to handle that?

I suddenly found myself planting my boots directly in the ground, standing stiff as a board. The Cullens noticed my hesitation, and Alice made way to approach me. Jasper, however, grabbed her arm and pulled her back toward him.

"Jasper, she won't hurt me," she told him, frustrated.

"Then it doesn't matter where you stand," he reasoned, "so you can stay right here."

Again, I understood.

"Bella, dear, are you all right?"

Oh, Esme. Such a kind heart.

When I didn't answer, Carlisle asked, "Would you feel more comfortable talking outside? Does the house bother you? I promise, we all have the best intentions."

The house?

I guess I was kind of glaring at it like a deer caught in headlights.

"It's not the house," I whispered quietly.

"Then, may we ask what is wrong?"

I wanted to answer Carlisle.

I wanted to tell him my heart - what little of it still remained trapped beneath my undead rib cage - couldn't take being broken again.

If he told me to leave, I would.

But to see him with another woman...

I'd die.

There would be no need for fire.

Flames would erupt from the inside of my chest the moment I saw him.

"Bella?"

"_Bella?"_

Oh.

His voice.

The most heavenly sound in the world.

In _my _world.

"Edward," I sighed, speaking his name for the first aloud in...goodness, since well over thirty years.

"He's just inside, Bella," Alice told me, giving me a warm smile. "I can tell you he's anxious to see you."

"He is?" I blurted out, flabbergasted.

They nodded.

"Anxious," I murmured to myself, spitting it out like it was a disease. He was probably anxious because his loser ex-girlfriend was stalking him. I mean, for all intents and purposes, I should be nearing sixty.

He didn't want me.

I don't blame him for not being happy to see me.

"You're wrong," sighed Jasper, finally dropping his protective stance in front of a smug Alice.

"Wrong about what?" I asked, jerking my head in his direction. He tensed again at my quick movement, but made no move to throw himself in front of Alice.

Extending his hand, gesturing to me, he replied, "I know what you're feeling. And you're wrong."

My brow furrowed and I found myself taking a step back. How in the hell could he possibly know that?

"She's confused," said Alice, sadly, as though she knew more than she cared to. "She doesn't remember much from her human life anymore. She doesn't know your talent, Jasper."

"Talent?" I questioned.

"Emotions, Bella. Jasper can manipulate as well as feel emotions."

"Yes," he went on, tension still in his shoulders, "and from what I can tell, you think—"

Alice interrupted, "Why don't we save the small talk for later, hmm? We should probably get started so Bella can recount the tale of how she managed to get here."

Oh, yeah. That.

I sighed, resigning myself to the Cullens wanting to get me out of the house as soon as possible.

Well, this was what I had wanted, right? I'm getting my chance to say goodbye. It's more than I could - or hell, should - ever ask for.

All I wanted was the chance to say goodbye.

All I wanted was the chance to see him one last time.

All I wanted was one more moment with him.

Yet, why did I suddenly have the irrational desire to run away?

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_A/N: _So_ sorry about the delay. I planned on having this out over the weekend (which I'm hoping is my new trend for updates on this story, if not more frequent), but it was my birthday weekend. I turned 21 so I was out and about as you can imagine. A lot of fun!_

_Then, when I finally finished it and was about to save it, my stupid program crashed. My laptop is fine, but I use an old, outdated version of Wordperfect on it and it has a tendency to crash at really inconvenient times (Like right before my fifteen page final paper was due two quarters ago. Yeah, THAT sucked. I lost half of it). So I just finished rewriting it and hopefully it's better than the first time. This chapter should explain a lot and I left subtle hints of what's to come (or what has already happened to our dear Bella). I hope to have the next chapter out within the next few days._

Carmine _is the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the featured story is mine._


	4. Just the Beginning

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_Current Book_:_ The Lovely Bones _by Alice Sebold  
_Current Fanfiction_: "Coming to Terms" by GinnyW  
_Current Music_: "Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga

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**Just the Beginning**

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And there he stands, looking exactly the same as he did when I was still human.

Well, that's not entirely true. The only references I actually have are through my foggy, awful human vision, which are more like looking at him through dirty glass; but no longer. Now he was close enough to touch.

Oh God, how I want to touch him.

When I entered the room, I found Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward oddly occupying the same couch. I could have sworn Emmett was clutching his arm, but the moment our eyes connected, everything faded away.

The intensity in his gold eyes nearly brought me to my knees. I was like a drowning woman reaching the surface - I felt like I could finally breathe when my eyes landed on him.

_I knew I wasn't crazy,_ I thought.

"Crazy?" questioned Emmett.

Oh.

Apparently I said that out loud.

When I didn't answer, Carlisle announced, "You don't have to explain that, Bella, if it makes you uncomfortable. We want to make this as easy for you as possible."

Nodding, unable to pry my eyes away from Edward's, I allowed Carlisle to direct me to the opposite side of the room, on a chair directly across from him. Inwardly, I was excited at the prospect of staring at him for...however long they allowed me to stay. I could tell by the way Emmett needed to restrain him that he probably couldn't wait to leave, but at least I would get these few moments to stare at him.

I could pretend.

And I'm so much happier pretending.

"Bella," began Esme, clutching onto Carlisle like a lifeline. "It's so wonderful having you here."

I cocked my eyebrows, unsure why she would say such a thing. I didn't remember Esme being the lying type, so why would she start now?

"You're so kind," I whispered. "You don't have to lie, though. It's n-nice enough that you opened your home to me."

Esme's smile suddenly looked strained, like she wanted to cry.

"You look like Snow White," I admitted. "I didn't remember what you looked like, but I remembered you look like her. S-s-so...I always pictured her when I thought of you."

"Oh, Bella," groaned Edward, his hands fisted tightly.

I cringed back at the thought of making him angry. I opened my mouth to apologize to him, but Alice cut me off.

"_No! _Bella, he's not mad," she cried urgently.

His head jerked in her direction, before he turned back to me, exclaiming, "No, Bella. I'm not mad. I could _never _be mad at you."

"She's so confused," Jasper moaned, shaking his head. "And so sad."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, shame filling me at the thought of causing everyone in the room pain.

It was wrong to come.

"This is a disaster," said Alice, wringing her hands.

I didn't know whether or not that was my cue to leave.

"No, it's not," she told me, like she knew I planned on walking out the door. "Bella, I know this is hard on you. It's much harder than any of us anticipated, but...you have to understand that this is a gift for all of us."

Carlisle finished, "We just want the opportunity to know how you got here. That is...if you'll briefly allow us into your life like this."

It felt like they were making this my choice.

Like they were apprehensive about me.

I didn't understand.

"Um...you all can ask me anything."

"Then who the hell changed you?"

"Rosalie," warned Esme, her eyes moving back between me and her daughter.

She countered, "Bella said we could ask her anything. I think what I asked falls under the category of anything."

"That's a personal que—"

"No, it's okay," I told them, jumping at the chance to fix whatever happened between Rosalie and myself during my human life. "I can answer that. I'd probably be wondering that, too."

Rosalie, with a smug grin, leaned back in her seat while everyone else, save for Edward, leaned forward. Edward, though...his eyes remained locked on mine. I tried to give him a smile, but I don't think I managed.

I let out a heavy, unnecessary breath. This would take a while.

"This may take a while," I admitted.

"Take as long as you need, dear," said Esme sweetly. "I'm sure it is a long story."

Nodding, I went on, "I don't remember all of it. My human memories are hazy."

Edward groaned again, but he didn't say anything else. When nobody made to stop me, I sucked in another breath and began my story.

"After E...you all left, I wasn't...doing too well."

God, could I sound any more like an idiot?

"You weren't doing too well?" Carlisle wanted clarification. I guess that was a bit vague and ominous.

"I um..." I trailed off, smacking my hand against my head. "I can't remember that well, I'm sorry."

"Take your time, sweetheart," encouraged Esme.

"All right. I remember I went into shock when you left. I remember being catatonic—" another groan from Edward, "—but it only lasted about a week, I think."

I didn't want them to think of me as a complete nut-job. I probably should have omitted that part, but no matter now. It was out in the open: I was positively obsessed with my vampire ex-boyfriend when I was still human.

"I remember getting up," I continued, picking at hem of my shirt, "everyday and just...existing. I...I was pretty pathetic.

"I stayed that way until I was changed. I couldn't stop or adjust or act normal. I just lived."

"Then how were you turned?" asked Emmett, his hand still clenched tightly around Edward's arm, no trace of silliness in his character. I thought I remembered him being silly. Maybe I was wrong about that, too.

My breathing picked up then as the fear swarmed around me. If I confessed to them the circumstances of my change, would they rip me apart? Would they forbid me from seeing them again? From even saying goodbye?

It was a risk I was going to have to take.

Licking my lips, I let out a heavy gust of air before whispering, "During spring break, I took a trip to Italy."

I heard Edward suck in a huge breath before the sound of fabric ripping erupted in the air. I looked up to see pieces of the couch within his hands. My eyes quickly scanned over to Esme, fearing she would yell at Edward for ruining the beautiful piece of furniture. What I didn't expect to see was the heartbreaking expression of a mother. I guess she knew the path I chose to take.

"Italy, Bella?"

Carlisle, again, wanted clarification. The man never assumed everything. Such a good man.

A kind man.

A father.

I answered, "I wanted to find E...you all. I wanted to say goodbye. I never got to and I thought...Edward mentioned something about a family there, something about them being royalty. I didn't understand it at the time, but I figured they may be able to help me. I thought maybe they could tell me how to find you."

"Instead they changed you?"

Shaking my head, I replied, "Not exactly. We made a deal."

"A deal?!"

The entire family, save for a very somber Alice, exclaimed all at once. I cringed back, hiding my face behind my hands. I knew this would upset them. I should have kept my big mouth shut.

"I'm sorry, Bella," apologized Carlisle, appearing pale even for a vampire. "We didn't mean to startle you."

"But...darling, what kind of a deal could you possibly make with them?"

Oh, if only they knew.

"I wanted to see you all again. I wanted to see Edward," I whispered, my shirt fraying from the force of my tugs.

"Bella," said Edward, his eyes wide, "What kind of a deal did you make?"

Before I could respond, Alice dropped her face in her tiny hands.

* * *

_A/N: All right, I know this chapter was a little slow. The next chapter will have a lot more action, but this one was important. Originally this was a lot longer and featured the backstory, but I decided to divide the two. I should have the next chapter out soon. Bear in mind, though, that this is a subtle story. Thanks for sticking with me._

_Again, special thanks to Chanteur d'ombre: for proving just how big of a hypocrite I am. I shall never make another comment about my irritation over homophones._

_Carmine__ is the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the featured story is mine_.


	5. The Deal, Part 1

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_Current Book_:_ Uglies _by Scott Westerfeld  
_Current Fanfiction_: "Survival of the Soul" by Lady Saffir (Read it! It's friggin' amazing!)  
_Current Music_: "Jupiter (Swallow the Moon)" by Jewel

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**The Deal, Part 1**

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_April, 2005_

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I was tortured with anxiety at the prospect of entering a city with the potential to lead me toward the Cullen family. I only had a few days to find what I needed, gain the information, before I had to get back home.

I knew I took advantage of my parents when I asked for the trip. They jumped at the chance to give me something, anything to pull me out of my depression. Renee was clueless about my desire to go to Italy and it was she who convinced my father to allow me to do this.

Alone.

Okay, I wasn't alone. I might has well have been, though! Charlie made arrangements with a community college in Seattle to allow me to tag along on an immersion trip, confident the older students would keep a watchful eye on the lone high school student with the desire to travel. I agreed with the intention of sneaking off by myself at the first opportune moment. Little did he know, the college students no sooner cared about me than they did the gas station attendant filling up their minivan. As soon as we arrived, the eleven students ventured off to a bar. They invited me, for the sake of being polite, and I turned them down, lying about my desire to sleep.

The moment the door closed, I called the front desk and asked them to hail me a cab.

The drive to Volterra from Florence was long, particularly since I sat on the edge of my seat and I channeled my inner-Alice, bouncing the whole way there in anticipation.

It never occurred to me that entering Vampire City was not the best place for someone like me. I did smell sweet, after all.

I was like Tequila in a room of water bottles.

With a bunch of alcoholics.

A lot of _thirsty_ alcoholics.

After paying the driver and allowing him to give me some directions in broken English, I set off in the city, peering around for anyone with special eyes. I wanted to find gold, but according to Edward, the best I could hope for was red. I was desperate enough to search for them.

Or crazy enough.

Depends on how one looks at it.

I did my research beforehand, so in theory I knew where everything was placed. I knew the major landmarks, the shop locations, and I even knew where to find the books about Italian vampires. However, the internet failed to inform me just where those vampires resided. Then again, I was fairly sure the authors of those sites thought the vampires to be mere myth.

Only a year ago, I would have agreed with them.

I went into each shop, randomly stopping people in order to check their eyes. If I saw a tan, I kept on walking. If I saw a hint of anything over six percent body fat, I kept on walking. I only stopped to grab the ones with pale skin and beautiful faces.

I felt vain.

And silly.

And exceedingly stupid.

But I would do anything and everything to find Edward again.

I spent my days giving the other kids any reason to go off on their own, sneaking away in the morning and only returning late at night. I knew the other students thought I was a little off, but were too consumed with their own vacation to care enough of about me. Good thing, too, because it took me two more days of sneaking away and constant searching before I finally found someone.

The clock tower in the north of the square caught my attention around five that evening. It was still sunny and my eyes weren't detecting any sparkles, but the shade around the clock tower seemed relevant. I figured there was a good chance to find someone over there.

"_Go back to the hotel, Bella,"_ growled Edward, finally making his appearance known.

I smiled, despite my situation, and basked in the gloriousness of having him close to me, even in this dark situation.

"_This place is_ not _safe,"_ he continued to ramble on, telling me to leave.

I didn't follow his advice.

The beige color of the tall bastion I think was an attempt to make the gothic structure inviting. Just the opposite, I thought it looked scary and cold, the type of place James would have occupied if the evil being had some manners.

"You're doing this for _him,_" I whispered to myself, clutching my stomach at the mere thought of him. "Just get to him."

"_Forget about me and go home!" _begged Edward, his voice getting more gritty.

I peered around the corner into a dark alley, my rational side blaring, "Danger, danger, DANGER," but my foolish side, the side my heart was on, didn't look back. Good thing, too, considering the red eyes I was so anxious to see were loitering.

Two head snapped in my direction.

Those red eyes pierced right through me.

I gulped, my heart beating faster than the flap of a hummingbird's wings, as I approached the two vampires. Neither of the men moved flinched or even breathed, both handsome stone statues in the darkness.

"_Please, don't do this," _he pleaded in my head, sounding desperate.

I ignored him and spoke first.

"Hello," I whispered, my body quaking.

When they didn't respond, I continued, "I um...I want to meet the royal family. I want to meet Aro, Caius, and Marcus."

This caught their attention.

The one on the right, the tall one with thick shoulders, reminded me greatly of Emmett. I turned to the other one, who was more lanky in build but no doubt just as strong. Neither of them spoke.

"I know who and what you are," I told them honestly, accepting whatever would happen to me. "I need help finding...a family. The head of this family used to...work here?"

Wow.

I couldn't tell whether or not they planned on killing me in the alley or if they would take me elsewhere.

After several long moments, the tall one's lips pulled back in a grin, making me feel even more uncomfortable. When he started to chuckle, I knew I was done for.

"Demetri, this girl wants to meet our masters."

"I heard."

"What are we going to do about this?"

"Hmmm," murmured Demetri, looking lost in contemplation. "Perhaps we should consider this, Felix. After all, it's not everyday a willing human enters our midst demanding to meet with us. It's highly intriguing, don't you think?"

I wanted to correct him about the whole demanding thing.

But I didn't.

It was true.

I _was _demanding to meet with them.

"_Don't demand anything,"_ Edward still fumed, _"and just go home! Go home to Charlie and survive this!"_

I inwardly snorted at the notion. There was no way I was leaving now. Besides, I knew at this point I was most definitely screwed. The way they bantered with each other, discussing their intentions with me, I figured they'd either go about this two ways: continue on this game, playing with their food, or grant my request. I still had hopes for the latter. Any chance of getting away, of leaving, was certainly gone. At least with these two men.

"Maybe we should bring her inside. See what Aro makes of this surprisingly bold creature."

"Bold?" questioned Felix, licking his lips. "I was going to say stupid, but I guess bold does have a certain ring to it."

"What family are you looking for exactly, darling?" asked Demetri, his accent thick.

"_Lie,"_ urged Edward.

I hesitated.

"Come now, dear girl, if you can't tell us who you wish us to locate, how do you expect us to?"

Point made.

"Cullen," I responded, not bothering to give a first name.

At that, they both stood at attention, their eyebrows quirking and frowns suddenly marring their abnormally beautiful features. Obviously they didn't hold a candle to Edward, but the vampiric beauty certainly did make them striking. Faces that attractive shouldn't frown.

"Ah, Cullen," recovered Demetri, his eyes still dark.

I saw their lips move, but their voices were too low and fast for me to understand. The speed told me their rapid conversation was a serious one. Again, my hope grew.

Finally they stopped, and Demetri replied, "Fine. Follow us, little human, and we'll take you to our masters."

"Thank you," I whispered, bowing my head down. "I'm very grateful for your help."

And I was.

"You shouldn't be," hissed Felix, shaking his head.

"_He's right!" _agreed Edward.

Both were probably right.

The two men motioned for me to walk ahead of them farther into the dark alley. Again, my rational side screamed for me to turn around, to run away, but my feet refused to work properly. It would have been pointless, anyway, since either one of them could have caught me in about one second flat. It was the principle, the idea, though, of my body telling me to not enter an unsafe location.

My heart didn't care. If it led me to Edward, I would have gladly followed anyone down to the ninth circle of Hell.

I walked on, wary of the two vampires following me. I knew luck must have been on my side since neither of them snapped at me. I smiled to myself as I listened to Edward's voice scream at me in fury. Regardless of his angry voice and everything he yelled, it was nice having Edward with me for this.

Made me feel stronger.

I could do anything with his beautiful, velvet voice keeping me company.

His voice even helped keep me calm when I was forced to jump into an drainage hole in the middle of the ground. Without any help, I managed to get down but it came with a consequence: I sprained my ankle. I limped and hobbled all the way beneath the dark tunnels leading me to the Volturi.

The throbbing in my ankle gave me something to think about, to keep my mind focused, instead of worrying about the repercussions of what I had just done.

I placed myself in the middle of Vampire City.

This was going to kill Charlie.

This would destroy Renee.

I knew this.

I just kept listening to velvet scream in my head so my resolve didn't crumble to ash.

I sighed in relief when lights my human eyes could detect came into my line of sight. These rooms felt warmer, safer, but Edward attempted to deter those thoughts. He still wanted me to run.

Silly vampire.

I contemplated answering him, but then I figured the vampires already thought of me as a loony human. I didn't need to add anything to the assumption.

They beckoned me through a large, golden archway, encouraging me with deceitful smiles to enter. Edward growled, telling me not to fall for Felix's grin. I already knew the Cheshire cat couldn't be trusted, but if Edward wanted to tell me to be careful, I'd listen to him all day.

Didn't mean I'd obey.

"This is our formal hallway, Bella," murmured Felix, twisting a lock of my hair around his index finger. I did my best to avoid shivering at his touch, but I failed miserably.

He laughed, letting go of my hair and walking toward the far wall. He joined a group of beautiful women, each one of them staring at me like I was a walking plague. I didn't understand it - it's not like I was competition. Maybe they were just very eager for dinner.

Suddenly, the doors opened revealing an entire entourage of vampires, all of whom looked like they were walking straight out of GQ. The head of the pack had an untrustworthy smile on his face geared toward me.

"You must be Bella!" said the man, theatrically throwing his hands in the air. "So you're the audacious child that requested this meeting."

I nodded, unable to form much of anything else.

He continued, "My darling girl, you look a fright! Let me introduce myself. I'm Aro, Bella, though from what I've learned from Demetri, you already know that."

I answered with another nod.

"I suppose my dear friend Carlisle would have told you about his previous life here. How is he?"

I looked down at my feet, unable to meet the gaze of anyone as I admitted this. It hurt, even after the eight month separation.

"I wouldn't know," I told him, my voice completely defeated. "I came here for the purpose of finding him."

Aro hummed, tilting his head to the side and apparently sizing me up. I don't know what he could have possibly found interesting about me, or what he was looking for in particular, but he clucked his tongue after several long moments.

"You know, child," he began, finally taking a seat on the humongous golden thrown in the center of the room, "I'm fairly sure I would have dismissed you easily had you not said the name Cullen. I find it highly intriguing that you know Carlisle and on such intimate terms for you to have come here. Would you mind informing us all about how the two of you met?"

I thought for a moment, deciding to only edit a few items, and opened my mouth to speak, only to be cut off by Aro demanding, "Step forward child, and tell me."

I gulped, unsure as to why he needed me closer. I wasn't about to argue, though.

I took a tentative step, the type of baby-steps one takes when approaching a very cold river, and kept my gaze low. Just as I opened my mouth for the second time, he cut me off yet again, "Please, dear, allow me to take your hand."

I have to touch this guy?!

The 'Danger!' siren was blaring louder than ever. Edward's voice was so loud I feared I'd soon lose my ability to hear.

But what other choice did I have?

I took a tentative step forward, peeking over my shoulder to peer at the vampires standing behind me. They gave me evil smiles, ones that sent shivers all the way down to my toes.

The closer I got, the more curious I became about his translucent skin. The chandelier in the center of the room, large and outrageously ostentatious, made his long black hair a shocking contrast against his white, powdery skin. It appeared fragile, but looks tend to be deceiving.

I learned that one the hard way.

As soon as I stepped up, he reached out and grasped my hand, his cold skin sending chills all the way down my spine.

His eyes widened after a moment, then narrowed down in concentration. I hardly knew what to make of it, seeing this vampire stress over a simple handshake. When he didn't immediately let go, my level of unease moved from significant to friggin'-let-go-of-my-hand! As if he could read my mind, he pulled away, shaking his head and staring at me with an unfamiliar look.

Was it awe?

"Remarkable," he muttered. "Absolutely unbelievable."

"Master?" questioned the most beautiful child, a girl with short hair and androgynous body. She'd been glaring daggers at me, but her eyes melted when they landed upon Aro.

Though his eyes were on me, he addressed her, "Her mind...is blocked."

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_Present Day_

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"Her mind is blocked? That was all he had to say?" Emmett interrupted, pulling me from my thoughts. I'd been so consumed by my own story that I forgot I was in the presence of others. I looked toward him, not really understanding why he chose to stop me here.

I faced him and nodded, unsure how (or if they even wanted me) to continue.

"I can only imagine how frustrating that must have been for him," said Carlisle, clearly lost in his own mind. A memory perhaps? "Aro probably found it amusing, but inside, he would have been eager to turn her. To see what else she could do."

A growl from Edward caught my attention. I jerked my head in his direction, noting the sour, disgusted look on his face.

I gnawed at my lip, wondering if I should even continue. The whole point of coming back was to allow myself the opportunity to say goodbye to Edward. Obviously I wanted the chance to say a few things to all of the Cullens, but in my heart it was just Edward. I wanted to see him one last time. Was any of this going to be worth it if I angered him with my story?

Suddenly my emotions shifted from anxiety to calm. I felt relaxed. Spilling my guts didn't seem so horrible anymore.

Oh wait. I vaguely remembered something about Jasper's gift. Was he doing this?

"Cool it, Edward," growled Jasper, shaking his head, keeping his eyes trained on me. "You're scaring her."

"It's not my intention."

"Whether it's intentional or not, you're doing it so calm down."

This was not going how I planned. Maybe it would be better if I just got everything out now and be done with it. Say goodbye and j—

"No!" shouted Alice, making me jump back and cover my face. "Geez, this is all going wrong. Bella, honey, we don't want you to leave."

Yet.

She probably just forgot to add it on.

"We're sorry, Bella," said Carlisle, giving Esme's hand a little squeeze. The poor woman looked frazzled, and I couldn't understand why. Did they honestly think I would hurt them?

"It's fine. I can stop—"

Six shouts of 'no' had me cringing back, biting my lip. Then six apologies rang out, making the right corner of my mouth lift up. They grew quiet, waiting for me to continue.

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_April, 2005_

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"What do you mean her mind is blocked?" asked the man with white hair, peering at Aro like he just admitted to killing his own mother. Caius, that's his name.

Still smiling, his face no longer warm with curiosity but alight with...wonder, maybe, Aro continued, "I cannot hear her thoughts. Not a single one."

"That's unheard of," said Caius, peering at me like I had a disease. I guess to him I did.

Aro nodded in agreement.

"You don't find this odd?"

Aro's smile grew wider as he said, "Of course, brother, I do. But I also see...possibilities."

_NO! _screamed Edward.

I merely blinked.

* * *

_Absurdly long A/N: Okay, I know it's been some time, so here is the skinny: Real Life REALLY got in the way. I lost several friends this month (All to drunk driving. Not okay) so needless to say, I've been acting about as crazy as Bella did in 'New Moon.' I've sort of been avoiding anything to do with death, which meant this story. Thankfully, though, all of the funerals are over and I'm trying to move on._

_School is ending this week, and my new job isn't starting for a while, so I'm going to have some time on my hands. Here is my plan: I've got a ton of story ideas, most of them one-shots, so I'm going to focus on getting those written. That way, in between these updates, I'll have something to throw at you if I'm going to be a while. I'm going to try to update once every week. Don't know which day, it'll probably change, but hopefully I can be more on top of things. I'm trying to get back into the writing thing, guys, so bear with me._

_Also, special thanks to **Kyra4** and **inadaze22** (who doesn't even read this story, lol) - thanks so much for the support, guys. My two fanfiction buddies (and favorite authors *cough, cough*) are primary reasons for getting my ass back in the swing of things. I'm trying to live up to your standards, people!! And another special thanks to **everyone reviewing and following this story** - you guys rock!_

Carmine_ is the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the featured story is mine._


	6. Fate

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_Current Book_:_ Uglies _by Scott Westerfeld  
_Current Fanfiction_: "Schism" by kharizzmatik (Recently found her stories. Let me tell you, she's brilliant!!)  
_Current Music_: "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings

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**Fate**

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_April, 2005_

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When they set me up in a beautifully decorated room, the kind of bedroom Esme would have designed for someone of royalty, I did not know what to think. Nothing seemed real - not time, the place, or the situation.

_And yet here I am,_ I thought, shaking my head and staring out of the window. _I'm stuck in the tower, a damsel in distress_. _My prince charming won't be saving me, though_.

I sighed, feeling dejected, and placed my face in my left palm. Every young girl of the twentieth century imagined life as a princess at least once in her life. I envisioned myself as Jasmine of _Aladdin_ growing up, despite having a physical connection with my namesake, Belle, of _Beauty and the Beast_. I used to demand that Renee read me the story of _Aladdin _every night before bed when I was seven.

_No,_ I thought, _no magic carpet will be coming to my window tonight, bearing my love_. _It's pointless to hope_.

So I remained there waiting, wondering if and when they planned on executing the meek human - or having me for dinner, I wasn't sure of the proper way to say it.

If they planned to make me like them, I could handle it. Perhaps if I sparkled in the sun, I could be the distraction Edward vied for. If I was as beautiful as him, maybe he wouldn't want anymore distractions.

Maybe then I could be enough.

I shouldn't hold my breath. I'm not a vampire yet.

The sun set beyond the horizon, marking my second full day within the walls of the citadel. I wondered what Charlie was doing at home. He probably just finished lunch at his desk. I wish he would eat healthier, but the man was too hardheaded to listen to me. I guess I know where I got my stubborn nature from.

I was really going to miss him.

This would hurt him, my disappearance and death. I truly hoped nobody from the immersion trip alerted him of my departure and failure to return. I wanted him to have these last few days of peace, before everything around him crushed him from within. He didn't deserve the pain my death would bring. He didn't deserve much of the heartache he'd faced throughout his life.

Turning away from the window, I decided to push Charlie out of my head. If I continued thinking about my father, I would break and that would not help anyone or anything. Besides, I knew the vampires would probably arrive soon. Aro claimed today they would give me an answer, and I had to trust his word.

What else did I have?

Trusting this vampire, this man I had no true affiliation with other than a co-acquaintance, felt like trusting Tyler Crowley with a vehicle or Mrs. Cope with a diet: foolish and imprudent. The man, though he came off as affable, sent the heebie-jeebies down my spine. I feared he would be the death of me.

And there - there was the true root of all my troubles. Consider it childish of me, but I always imagined that a Cullen would be the one to change me. I envisioned Edward biting my neck, marking me as his forever. I wanted his venom to run through my veins, marking me not only as his mate, but as a true member of his family.

Maybe I'm more foolish than I gave myself credit for.

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_Present Day_

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"That's not foolish!" shouted Alice, pulling me away from my thoughts. Thankfully I did not jump that time - it only caused everyone in the room to tense up.

_Foolish? _I thought, trying to recall to my story. _Oh crap_. _Did I say that out loud? Damn it, Bella, you don't have to tell them_ everything. _Start keeping some of your thoughts, the more personal ones, to yourself, idiot_.

Looking at the pixie, whose frown made her look far older than her frozen age of nineteen, I sighed heavily. Since my arrival, nothing but frowns welcomed me. This was such a stupid idea.

"Alice," Carlisle scolded, throwing her a look for having interrupted me.

"No, Carlisle," she continued, meeting his glare with a stare just as hard, "I don't like her talking like that. It was not a foolish thought. She shouldn't be ashamed of it."

Was that it?

Was the pain in the pit of my stomach shame?

I've had a lot to feel shame over.

The stupid things I did to Charlie, to my friends, before my ultimate demise? Yes, I felt supreme shame over that.

Leaving my father with a dreadful memory of his child? Yes, I definitely felt shame over that.

But having wanted Cullen venom to run within me?

No, shame was not the feeling in the pit of my useless stomach. There was nothing embarrassing about wanting to feel a connection with this family.

I felt foolish because the hope for the connection was still there. That was foolish.

_This is goodbye,_ I reminded myself. _Don't forget your purpose_.

Pulling away from my musings, I realized the family was a midst an argument. It never failed: I always seemed to bring this family more turmoil than necessary. I knew they would not let me leave until they knew the truth (or, at least, the truth I would allow them to hear), but it appeared haste was essential. I would tell them the minimum and then be on my way.

"Geez," growled Alice, balling her tiny hands into fists and glaring at her family. "Now she's planning on telling us just a speck of what she's gone through. She wants to get out of here. This is just great."

"Then let her leave," hissed Rosalie, standing gracefully and leaving the room.

Emmett let out a protest, demanding for Rosalie to return and sounding more harsh than I'd ever heard, but she disappeared up the stairs. Her husband ran after her, attempting to reason with the blonde. I looked to see Jasper and Alice in a low argument, the latter throwing around wild hand gesticulations and eyeing him viciously. Carlisle appeared to be consoling a heartbroken Esme, who tearlessly wept on his shoulder while he rubbed her back and whispered sweet nothings.

It frightened me to see the chaos around the room.

In effort to save this crumbling family from myself, I abruptly rose from my seat and darted out the door, not giving the room a second glance.

If I saw_ him _one last time, I wouldn't have the strength to leave.

Upon reaching the heart of the forest, away from the ears of the Cullens, I dropped to my knees and let out a choked sob.

I cried without the tears, desperate to let out the pain beneath my breast. It hurt to see everything I knew before my eyes. It hurt to know I would never be accepted like I desired. I hurt all over, ached in places I long forgot could even feel.

And the agony would not let up.

So one can only imagine how I could not even bring myself to fight him off when I felt Edward's arms pull me to him from behind. He pressed his face into my neck, shushing me, trying to comfort me, which only led me to cry harder.

Why did he have to be so wonderful?

What other man soothes an ex-girlfriend he no longer loves?

He began rocking me back and forth, holding me like someone would hold a small child. That's probably how he saw this: him comforting a little girl.

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_April, 2005_

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I jumped when the door opened, turning around and immediately throwing my hand up to my eyes. Without the sun, the entire room had set in darkness and the light from the hallway shadowed the figure. However, the tall, bulky form gave his identity away.

"Felix," I breathed, tensing whole-heartedly.

"Human," he retorted, smirking as he came into my view. My eyes adjusted, allowing me to take in his large frame. "Are you enjoying your stay?"

It was a rhetorical question.

"The brethren have asked me to bring you to meet with them," he said in a bored tone.

Again, I didn't respond.

He gestured to the doorway, muttering, "After you, darling girl."

The endearment sounded like poison on his tongue. I didn't argue, nonetheless, and walked out the door. The long walk down the various stairways and wide corridors allowed me to witness the inner-workings of the fortress.

It was easy to tell who belonged to the guard and who merely resided within the bastion. When a guard member passed, others would stop and bow their heads, acknowledging the importance of the individuals crossing. It initially caught me off guard to see people lowering their heads and bodies in my direction before I realized it was Felix they were respecting.

Mates were easy to spot since they walked side by side, generally hand in hand. Despite their red eyes, seeing the love, the unconditional commitment, gave me an array of hope.

Even in sorrow there is always hope.

Hope gave me a modicum of comfort.

Then we reached the golden doors.

My fate was in their cold, undead hands.

* * *

_A/N: I planned on posting this tomorrow, but I changed my mind when I realized that the 'Indie TwiFic' Awards are having nominations starting tomorrow. I really hope some great authors and stories get recognized, including: Kharizzmatik (Schism and NuMb), Reamhar (Dying By Degrees), and Lady Saffir (Survival of the Soul__)_. Those are my picks, and I encourage everyone to give these stories a shot. It's always nice to be awarded for hard work so please go vote.

_I'm happy to say the next chapter is coming along well (nearly finished!) and I should continue with my promise of AT LEAST one chapter each week. If I get caught up significantly, meaning I've got multiple chapters waiting, then I'll consider posting twice a week. Thanks again for everyone reading and reviewing my story!_

Carmine_ is the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer but the featured story is mine._


	7. Seven Minutes

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_Current Book_:_ Dracula _by Bram Stoker  
_Current Fanfiction_: "NuMb" by kharizzmatik (Seriously, guys, read her stories!)  
_Current Music_: "Second Chance" by Shinedown

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**Seven Minutes**

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_Present Day_

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I relished in the feel of him around me. No longer was the skin of his arms cold - rather they were soft, supple, and just like mine. I could feel his fingers rubbing against the fabric of my shirt, still attempting to soothe me long after my cries ceased.

I knew I should tell him he was free to go, to let me be.

I'm too much of a selfish creature, though.

Then I heard rough velvet.

"So Felix was the one you regularly dealt with?"

I felt weak, like I did not have the strength to even continue, but I nodded in reply. Felix was the one who took care of me initially, treating me like a toy. In spite of his harsh demeanor and intimidating stature, Felix, for whatever reason, was highly amused by my presence. I think it had to do with feeling utterly perplexed by my desire for this life.

"Did he ever harm you?"

His question caught me off guard. Why would he worry about such a thing? I suppose he felt no animosity toward our relationship. It's possible to still long for a former love to have a healthy life.

I could not answer him, though. I did not want him to feel badly about anything that happened to me. It was, and never would be, his fault. Edward did not need to feel any pain on my behalf.

Instead, I changed the subject.

I faced him, happy to still feel his arms around me and stared into his ocher eyes. Some emotion attempted to break through them, but my focus was on the color.

"Gold," I whispered, pushing my luck by affectionately touching his cheek. I guess the worst he could do would be to push me away. I could take that risk.

"Yes," he murmured, leaning into my palm.

"I honestly don't remember much," I whispered sheepishly, worried the truth would upset him. "I could remember you though. I remembered how you had the deepest gold eyes. I just didn't know why for a long time."

"You didn't know why my eyes are gold?" he asked sadly.

I shook my head, embarrassed to admit it. "I asked Aro to tell me. He just smiled and told me 'we don't speak of such things.' Whenever I asked anyone else, they would repeat his words and tell me 'we don't speak of such things.' It was not until a random, fuzzy memory appeared in my head that I understood."

"What memory?"

"I could hear your voice."

"What did I say?"

"_So...what's your favorite?"_

"_Mountain lion."_

I let go of his face, dropping my eyes and staring off into the forest. I could tell he wasn't even breathing. He probably was worried my presence would intoxicate him.

Where have I heard that before?

"We all know what that's like," he whispered, still holding on to me.

"What are you referring to?"

"Not being able to remember."

I faced him again, noticing his thoughtful expression. Shrugging, he continued, "There are so many things I can't remember. It's understandable that you would forget something like that, particularly being surrounded by the Volturi."

Nodding, grateful for him being such a gentleman in his attempt to make me feel better, I began taking in everything about him.

I knew once I told my story I would have to leave. The thought of never seeing him again would have brought me to my knees if I weren't already sitting down. So I drank him in, liberally storing his memory within the confines of my never changing mind. Eternity with him would never be, but at least I can hold on to this - have something for when I close my eyes.

It was more than I hoped for.

It was enough.

It would have to be enough.

"What are you thinking?" he asked softly, bringing his hand to my cheek and copying my movement from a minute prior.

This, sitting with him in the woods with him asking about my thoughts, felt familiar.

"I'm thinking about a lot of things," I admitted, not really eager to let him into my head completely.

My answer made him sad for whatever reason. He probably knew I was editing, and my memories didn't fail me this time - he hates when I edit; for this frustrates him.

"Anything you're willing to share?" he coaxed, staring deeply into my eyes. It felt like he was trying to do something, say something with his stare, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then again, it could simply be my overactive imagination desperately yearning for it.

Unable to deny him anything, I replied, "Mostly I'm just trying to remember. It feels awkward not knowing as much about myself as apparently all of you do."

"We'd never use it against you," he quickly told me, brushing some of my hair off my shoulder.

"I never thought you would."

A subtle noise from behind him caught both of our attention, as my eyes swept behind his head and saw, through my peripheral vision, his ears perk up. When Alice and Jasper moved around the trees, I let my body relax and turned back to Edward. He looked irritated, with his mouth in a sharp frown and his eyes closed.

I opened my mouth to ask him why, but swiftly closed it.

He no longer belonged to me.

It wasn't my place to ask.

Turning back to Alice and Jasper, I lifted up from my position with Edward. It nearly killed me to break the contact, but I knew I eventually needed to let go.

"Hey," I murmured, fidgeting with my sleeves.

"Sorry to interrupt," said Alice, thoughtfully looking toward Edward. "We were scared that you had left."

"Wouldn't you have been able to see?" growled Edward.

Ignoring his rude tone, she answered, "I'm not infallible. You should know that."

"Obviously," he retorted, earning a growl from Jasper.

The conversation didn't sit well with me, but I knew it was futile to attempt to find out. They would not tell me even if I did ask.

"Are you two ready to come back yet?" asked Alice.

Before I could answer, Edward jumped to his feet, hissing, "We were in the middle of someth—"

"Yeah, I'm ready to come back," I interrupted, eager to get away from Edward's questions. While his presence meant everything to me, I couldn't risk admitting things that could potentially hurt him and lead him to feel guilty. I'd like to think Alice interrupted because she knew we'd both suffer if I continued to admit my feelings. Edward didn't need to feel pain, and as his sister, she tried to stop the situation from hurting him more.

Family.

How I wanted my own.

Edward let out a frustrated sound, but gestured for me to lead nonetheless. My years with the Vulturi trained me to never turn my back on anyone, even those who claimed friendly intentions. Instead of leading, I held myself back so we could walk side by side, keeping a solid distance between them and myself.

Upon entering the house, I returned to the couch without looking anyone in the eyes. The last thing I needed to see was pity in Esme's eyes or perhaps disgust in the others. I faced reality a long time ago and the fact remained: Edward didn't and never would love me. I've accepted this notion, dealt with it, and learned how to survive feeling it. I would never be a part of this family; this, too, I've grown to accept. I didn't need to see sympathetic looks or perhaps the disappointment from this family.

It's not fair for them to look at me like that.

"We apologize, Bella, for causing any undue stress on you," said Carlisle softly.

I nodded in acknowledgment, but made no move to continue. I wasn't going to force myself on any of them, including Rosalie. If they wanted me to leave, I would. I only came for goodbye, so everything else was just a bonus.

Besides, I really didn't feel like reliving my change.

Not one of my finer moments.

"Are you able to continue, Bella?" asked Carlisle hesitantly.

When nobody made any objections, even a sulking Rosalie, I let out a heavy breath.

I guess I never really had a choice.

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_April, 2005_

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"Bella, darling, it's wonderful to see you up and about," said Aro cheerily, throwing out his arms dramatically.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, a trait I developed from Edward. Knowing the direction my thoughts were bound to go, I shook my head and focused entirely on getting through to Aro. I'm not an idiot - I knew from the second they placed me in my current bed chambers that I would either leave the building as a vampire or a corpse. I wanted the former, but I feared the latter would be inevitable.

I did not bother with pleasantries, which Aro finally cued in on and continued, "I'm sure you're curious as to why we've required you to wait in a decision from of us. All of this–" he gestured to our surroundings–"must seem scary. I can assure you, however, that we meant you no harm during that time. We only had a very important decision to consider."

"So you'll put me in touch with Carlisle?" I asked hopefully.

Giving me a condescending smile, he shook his head.

"Then what decision did you have to consider?" I snapped, tired of this game.

_Don't antagonize them!_ growled Edward, finally making his presence known. Hearing his beautiful voice gave me the strength to keep from passing out.

Aro let out a chuckle. "You're a wickedly tenacious girl, Bella! I find your spunk refreshing."

"Enough of this!" shouted Caius, startling me and making me flinch back toward Felix. His laughter at my fear automatically fueled my anger. "Stop playing with the girl and just be done with this. We've got more important things to worry about."

Not put off by his brother, he kept the smile on his face and said, "All in good time, brother."

"Well hurry up!" he hissed before exiting the room.

Throwing up his hands and waving toward the door, Aro exclaimed, "Honestly! Even with eternity, Bella, some of us still don't have any patience."

I didn't respond.

Giving me the sad smile again, Aro explained, "I wish I could put you in touch with Carlisle, I really do, dear. The problem is, however, is that you unfortunately know too much."

"But clearly I've kept my mouth shut about it!" I argued, the tears dewing up on my lashes.

"Thus far, Bella. As a member of the Elite and Brethren, I cannot allow you to leave this place while you're a human. It's too much of a security risk.

"Now, I'm not suggesting we end your life. Personally, I would like to avoid that at all costs given you're remarkable talent as a human. I think you would make an amazing member of my guard, young one, pending on the talent manifesting in a vampiric form."

"You're saying you want to change me on the off chance I might have a special capability?"

"Look at this as a business deal, Bella," he said cheerfully, grinning toward me. "I'm willing to change you on the agreement that you'll join the Guard should a gift surface."

_No! _shouted Edward, making my head pound.

I could feel the pounding of my heart in my chest and hear the fast _thump-thump_ in my head. I could feel my pulse points in my temple, wrists, and thumbs ferociously hammering, making me dizzy.

After several moments, I gulped and realized I needed to negotiate my fate.

"And if I don't agree to be changed?" I questioned, already knowing the answer.

Giving me a grim smile, he replied, "Then I'm afraid we can't allow you to leave the building."

"Death then."

"No, I didn't say that. If you wish than I can keep you temporarily on the staff. We have several humans aware of our presence whom handle the more...parochial issues of our...coven, if you will. We house humans for as long as three months, and during that time you're free to consider your options."

"After three months?"

Aro quirked his head, his smile returning.

"Honestly, Bella, do I have to tell you what will happen then?"

Shaking my head, more for my sake than in answer, I started to consider my options. The thought of remaining here as a human sent shivers down my spine. It would be suicide, no doubt, since any one of them could slip at any time.

Then what's left?

"If I'm turned and I don't have a gift," I started, choosing my words carefully, "what will you do with me then? Will I be free to leave, as long as I keep to the vampire code?"

Felix let out a barking laugh, catching my attention. Why would he laugh at that? Aro shot him a glare and his laughter died instantly, his head dropping to the ground like a child being scolded by a parent. It didn't sit well with me. The abrupt laughter meant something.

Aro returned his eyes to my own, politely answering, "I suppose we'll figure out something, won't we?"

"Not good enough," I growled.

_Bella, shut up! _Edward hissed in my ear.

Aro started laughing, despite the others in the room letting out low groans. Jane, in particular, looked downright hostile, ready to throttle me should her master ask.

"You are simply delightful, Bella! So full of spunk and audacity. You will make one fine, feisty newborn."

Despite his laughter eliciting gooseflesh on my skin, I said, "I'm serious. I want to know what's going to happen should I prove to have no talent. Will you kill me anyway?"

Tired of my defiance and ready to eat me, Caius yelled, "Of course! We don't spend our days training newborns that show no promise. You've been given plenty of options, a gift in comparison to others. If not for Aro, I would have already fed off you and disposed of your body. You're dead either way, child, so I suggest you ask to be changed."

Silence loomed.

Well, save for my pumping of my heart.

I could either die or be changed, but it would mean working for them. Even after I'm a vampire, I would still be unable to reach my Edward.

But what if he comes for me?

I would have an eternity to wait for him.

He's bound to show up here eventually, if no other reason than to visit with Carlisle.

I'll find a way to make him come here.

To come back to me.

After seven minutes, Aro finally asked, "Well, child? Do we have a deal?"

_Please, Bella, no_...Edward groaned.

I blew out a breath.

_I love you, Edward_. _I'm sorry_.

"Deal."

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* * *

_A/N: Oi, I tried to get this out two days ago, but various things came up. RL is crazy right now, so bear with me. Ha! At least I got it out this week, keeping true to my word. I actually wrote most of this at 3 AM yesterday. My attention over the weekend was focused on a new story, which is actually another comedy. I think it's fun - it's either going to be one hell of a long one-shot or a two/three shot. I haven't decided yet._

Carmine_ is the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the featured story is mine._


	8. Get Out of My Head

_Current Book_:_ Dracula _by Bram Stoker  
_Current Fanfiction_: "Renee's Dinner Party with the Cullen Cover," by edward-bella-harry-ginny  
_Current Music_: "Speed" by Marc Mancina

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**Get Out of My Head**

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_Present Day_

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I don't know when it happened, but eventually I stopped speaking, consumed by my fading memories of Aro's deceit. His facade of calmness initially gave me reprieve, while I waited for someone to inject their venom in my system. I did not know of his cruelty until I could no longer turn back.

When I realized my musings were conducted in the presence of others, I finally shook myself from my thoughts and stared at the family before me.

I wish I never looked up.

Judging by the expression of the Cullens, clearly my story offended them all. I didn't blame them. Hearing my words aloud reminded me how foolish I had been, so careless with the life I'd been granted.

When they left me, I thought my family disappeared. I thought my family brushed me off and rid themselves of their silly human pet. I had it all wrong, and I can see it now. Truth was I never was part of their family. I merely distracted Edward for a while, pardoning him temporarily from a continuous life of bachelordom. How can I fault them when they never were to blame?

My real family desperately tried to make me acknowledge this, make me see they were the ones who loved me unconditionally. Charlie, Renee, Jacob, and Phil all loved me wholeheartedly and never wavered in devotion.

I wanted too much.

None of the people before me asked for this life. None of them wanted to spend eternity constantly craving for blood and attempting to fill the thirst void left burning in the throat. Edward, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett were all dying, leaving only death as the alternative. Carlisle and Jasper were simply given the short end of the stick. And Alice…well, Alice didn't choose this life either. In each case, this life was chosen for them.

I asked for this.

I asked for constant pain.

I wish I knew where it would lead before I answered Aro's offer.

Then again, if I had, I never would have seen Edward again. Despite only having him for a short time, I can't bring myself to regret my decision.

I'd do anything for Edward.

Emmett rose to his feet; his congenial smile no longer present and began pacing up and down the living room. I frowned at this realization. If I only had them for a brief time, I thought the least I deserved was seeing them in their usual manner. I wanted to see some Emmett dimples.

He abruptly stopped, turning toward me with sad eyes.

"So then you do have a gift?" I could tell he meant to say it as a statement, but it came out as a question.

Not particularly proud, I nodded in affirmation.

He grimaced, tugging on his hair and pacing again. I looked around the room and noticed they all wore similar expressions. Would I ever bring this family peace? All I seem to do is lead them toward despondency.

"I promise, Emmett, that I'm not acting as a spy if that's your concern," I murmured, ashamed I even needed to. "I don't mean your family even harm. I know my eye color cries otherwise, but I assure you I came on my own freewill and—"

"Shit, Bella!" he exclaimed, startling me. I peered up at him, my eyes wet with venom I would never shed.

He appeared positively horror-struck. Did my confession spur him to acknowledge the possibility I meant the family ill will? I should have kept my mouth shut - I obviously had no filter.

"I'm sor—"

"Stop saying you're sorry, Bella!" he shouted.

Edward rose to his feet, moving to stand in front of Emmett's face, growling, "Don't you ever raise your voice to her."

"Don't you raise your voice at Emmett!" shouted Rosalie, moving at lightning speed, maneuvering herself to stand between her mate and Edward. "It's not his fault that your—"

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence, Rose." I've never heard Edward's voice so dark. I cowered back, positive the tears would have turned into outright sobs had I been human.

"Children, please!" shouted Esme, raising her voice above the gentle whisper I'd grown accustomed to. After Edward, Emmett, and Rose turned their faces in her direction, she chastised, "We are in the presence of a guest and we do not act like that in front of others. You three should know better. Now, sit back down _away_ from each other and let's allow Bella to finish without any more interruptions."

Emmett wrapped his arm around Rose, the duo glaring at him before returning to their seats. Edward, however, kept his eyes trained on me, as though fighting an internal debate. I opened my mouth to...I'm not exactly sure, but he already turned away and sat back down, closing his eyes as he leaned back.

"I apologize for their rudeness, dear," said Esme sweetly. "Please continue, darling."

I nodding, trying hard to ignore the shooting pain in my chest at the 'guest' comment, trying to gather myself.

Why does remembering pain always make me feel colder than I actually am?

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_April, 2005_

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"Aren't you afraid at all?" asked Felix, watching me from across the room with a mixture of curiosity and undeniable amusement.

I guess watching me act human is the vampire equivalent of watching mindless reality TV: borderline surreal, but entertaining enough to keep someone interested.

My lack of response prompted, "You're the shy type, right?"

I took that as a rhetorical question.

"I wonder what makes you so special to the Cullens. I wonder why you even want to meet up with them. If you were really desperate to become a vampire than you'd have no use for them. Aro offered to change you and you did not seem too thrilled."

I stared at a group of young tourists taking pictures by the fountain. I wonder if those college kids I came with ever did something like that. Did they even notice my absence until they boarded the plane for home?

"So if you didn't exactly want to be a vampire, why do you have such a desire to see the Cullens?"

He dropped his head into his palm, appraising me. I felt like a monkey in a cage being hounded by an ignorant child. Or perhaps a small kitten stuck in a tree with a large dog barking beneath me, scratching the bark off the trunk.

"You must be like a little pet to them," he noted, not far off the mark. I couldn't stop the cringe at the word 'pet,' an act that did not go unnoticed.

He perked up, smiling sinisterly at me.

"Oh it seems I've hit a nerve. Was that it? Were you their little human pet? A lamb in the lions' den?"

I could not handle him calling me a 'lamb.' It hit too close to home, making me choke out, "It's none of your damn business what I was or was not to them! So just leave me alone!"

The silence did not ease my tension. In fact, it made me even more anxious considering his voice had been lulling me for the longest time. It provided me comfort in a weird way. I think his connection to Edward as a vampire reminded me subconsciously I would soon join him in this bond.

So after waiting for his retort for well over six minutes, I looked back to his eyes. Instead of finding amusement, I found recognition.

The glint in his eyes sent my stomach turning over.

Grinning like the Cheshire Cat, he said, "I know that face, my dear."

I kept looking at him, disappointed to see such smugness radiating off him.

He continued, "_That_ is the face of a woman scorned."

I turned back to the window to avoid letting him see the tears dew up on my eyelashes. Not that it mattered – he can probably smell the sat.

"I know Carlisle is already mated, so it cannot be him. However his rather large coven does contain other males, correct?"

He sat up and walked gracefully behind me, crossing his bulbous arms over his huge chest. In my peripheral vision I could see the mocking smile marring his normally handsome features.

"You fell in love?"

The hot tears spilled over, sliding down my warm cheek.

"Was it not mutual? Is that it? Did you find out their secret and they bolted, your insignificant love not enough to hold him?"

"Go to hell," I growled. Well, I attempted to growl, but it came out more like a pathetic whimper.

Felix let out a bark of laughter, clapping his hands together like he figured out the answer to the world's most challenging riddle. I've never felt like hitting a vampire more than ever before.

"You're not the first, you know," he told me conversationally, like I was an old friend. "Many of your kind fall in love with us. It's fun to play with them, to let them think we care when we really we just love hearing their hearts pump wildly under our touch."

"Bite me," I hissed through clenched teeth.

He smirked, shaking his head and returning to his seat on my bed.

"Sorry, darling," he muttered. "You've still got a few more hours before that will be happening."

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_A/N: I know, super short! I apologize, but it's been an awful week. My laptop died on me, work was a mess, and I'm currently dealing with a bridezilla. My bff, whom I love dearly, is turning into an absolute nightmare with, as I've come to realize, horrible taste! We just looked at wedding dresses. And the one she likes? Bleh! As I've told a friend of mine (and you know who you are, girl!), I'm about ready to kill her. The wedding isn't even for a year and already I'm dealing with this crap? Yeah, I'm fairly sure I'm going to kill her before she gets the chance to say 'I do.'_

_At least I made my one week deadline! And I know this chapter may seem like a filler, but Bella's reactions and thoughts were very important, as was the interaction with Felix._

Carmine_ is the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the featured story is mine._


	9. Last Wish

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_Current Book_:_ The Time Traveler's Wife _by Audrey Niffenegger  
_Current Fanfiction_: "Missing Moments," by TheSingingGirl  
_Current Music_: "Stupid" by Sarah McLachlan

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This chapter is dedicated to Kyra4, who sadly lost her precious computer and everything on it. I'm pulling for you, girl!!

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**Last Wish**

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_April, 2005_

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Lying there, staring at the ceiling as my heart pumped like it knew it would soon stop beating, I thought about my life.

Images of my childhood flashed before my eyes.

I thought about my crazy, harebrained mother. Renee may not have gotten everything right, but she sure did try.

When two girls teased me during the fourth grade for my horrendous haircut, my mother made sure to show up the next day at school with special treats for my class and conveniently forgot their cupcakes.

When I chose to forego the eighth grade dance, she rented our favorite movies and cuddled with me on the couch.

I didn't have everything, but I definitely had enough.

Then there was Charlie.

Charlie.

My poor father dealt with more shit from me than anyone else should have put up. I normally am not one for cursing, but let's face it – I fucking pulled a Springer episode on him on more than one occasion.

I can only imagine what he would have thought of my decision.

I never wanted to disappoint him. Ever. And yet I feel like that's all I did during the time I spent with him. I lied, snuck a boy into my room, and gave up life for said boy, the guy whom left me to fend for myself. Yeah, I highly doubt he would have appreciated the position I practically threw myself towards.

Growing up I used to hate having to fly all the way out to spend two measly weeks with him. Yet I'm so glad I chose to go live with him permanently. If not for the decision, I wouldn't have known how much he loved me. _Loves_ me. Even though I'm about to die, I know his love will never fade.

Plus, living with him brought me to Edward and the Cullens.

Each and every Cullen managed to make an impact on my life, whether positive or negative.

Carlisle: the kindest man I've ever had the privilege of knowing. I think in a different time, or perhaps a different life, he would have made an absolutely terrific father. I can imagine him holding a baby in his arms, spending each night awake to allow his wife the much-needed rest during their newborn's early years. I can see him helping his child with his or her homework, be it a math assignment or building a birdhouse for woodshop.

I imagine he would have lived a relatively peaceful life, helping in the hospital and loving his human family in the evening and for the rest of the night.

Esme: the woman welcomed me into her home the moment she recognized Edward's affection for me. She claimed that seeing him happy was a gift to her, one she took pleasure in everyway.

Clearly the woman was born to be a mother. I'm glad she at least has her adopted children to fill the void, allowing her to at least love the eternally teenaged.

Emmett: I don't think I've ever met anyone with a more carefree, vivacious spirit than Emmett Cullen. His sense of humor kept the rather serious family from going crazy, particularly his exceedingly stoic brother. I know he gave his brother grief about lightening up, but I think he enjoyed seeing smiles on everyone's faces, especially Edward.

In a world of chaos and confusion, Emmett offered a reprieve.

Rosalie: all right, so we never got along. Edward never came out and said it, but over the course of our brief relationship, he mentioned something from her past holding her back, along with her stubborn attitude and tenacity. I wouldn't exactly miss her, per se, but I always and would always have faith in her. If the Cullens love her, there has to be something good and wholesome about her.

Jasper: he was a man of few words, but those he spoke were generally insightful and wise. Alice's exuberance required someone calm and tranquil and she found that and more in Jasper.

I hope with everything in me he forgave himself for my dreadful eighteenth birthday party. Something tells me he didn't, but I can at least hope for the best. I can grant myself that much in my finals hours, but the thought of him suffering as a result of him acting out his true nature? It's nothing he should feel shame over.

Alice: the sister I had to give up all too soon. I wish I could have said goodbye to her, tell her how much she meant (and means) to me. When everyone at Forks High wanted my friendship for either my bizarre popularity or the opportunity to date me, she wanted to know me for me. I can't ever thank her enough.

Her bubbly personality and kind soul made her joy to be around.

I miss her.

I miss her so damn much.

Edward: oh God…merely thinking his name brings me to my knees. I miss him with everything in me.

I need him.

I need him like a drowning woman needs air.

I need him like the earth needs the sun.

I need him.

And this, being changed in the bowels of Vampire City, could potentially lead me to him. Hopefully these thoughts will help me as the venom slowly eats me alive.

"You're trembling," noted Felix, his smirk nowhere to be found. "Isn't it a little late to suddenly start feeling scared?"

"I'm not scared. I'm cold," I answered truthfully, following the invisible cracks along the ceiling. Shouldn't a building this old at least have a few problems with the foundation? Particularly this far beneath the surface?

I turned back to him, hissing, "What is the temperature down here? It feels like it could start snowing."

"We're not exactly big on the thermostat."

"Maybe you should look into it for the next human you keep down here."

He chuckled, leaning back in his chair, making the wood creak in protest.

"You are aware that this is an unusual situation, right? If not for your potential you'd already be dead, kid."

"Thanks. I feel worlds better now."

"It's not my job to make you feel better."

"Then with what's left of your humanity, perhaps even in just this one moment, please show me some compassion. I'm about to be ripped from my world."

"At least you had some say."

The despondency in his voice didn't go unnoticed, making me jerk my head in his direction. I could tell he didn't mean for me to see it, but for one second I saw the Felix before the change.

"We've got a few minutes," I said, realizing the last Aro minion just left the room. "I'm going to go crazy and I would really like that compassion now. So tell me…since you've already figured me out, broke down my whole story…who were you?"

"Who was I? I was a stupid kid who got lost in Volterra."

"What does that mean? Come on, you've got to give me something. I'm the one that's trembling, remember?"

"You're pretty demanding for a human," he said, raising his eyebrows.

Shrugging, I told him, "But you already knew that."

Nodding, he looked away again, apparently struggling to find the right words to explain his life to some lowly human.

Quirking my head, I waited for him to gain his bearings and think his life through. Due to his advance reflexes and overall capabilities to come to conclusions faster, he obviously didn't make me wait for long.

"I was twenty-three. I was…carefree. It was over seventy years ago, but I can still remember not caring about much. I came from money, I know that, and I never…I never lacked anything.

"I was trying to find the perfect gift for a girl. I can't even remember her face now, but her birthday was coming up. Or maybe it was for Christmas. I just know it was December and I found the perfect gift."

"What was it?" I asked softly, my scratchy voice sounding like nails on a chalkboard compared to the low wind chimes of his.

"I got a framed picture of myself."

I couldn't help it – I burst out laughing.

"You were arrogant as a human. I guess that was your talent that crossed over."

"You're not changed yet. I can still eat you." His tone held no malice. "Besides, the gift wasn't about being arrogant and giving her a photograph of me just so she could stare at my handsome face."

"Right, no arrogance in that."

"There wasn't. I wanted to give her that photograph because I was holding a piece of paper with the words 'I love you' written in my best calligraphy."

Wow.

"Cheesy," I said, breaking the thick silence. "People have been doing that whole declare love via pictures for a while."

"Yeah, but you forget, sweetheart, that I did this over seventy years ago. I invented the concept. Long before you humans started doing it over the Internet or through text messages. I still don't understand that concept of text messaging yet."

"Don't worry, I don't either. Looks like I never will."

I bit my lip, desperate to hold back the tears. They wouldn't help me anymore.

"So how did the story end? Did your girl ever see the picture?"

He sighed, "No. After I was changed, it was printed in the local paper that I took off. Since I was changed by a rogue on the outside of the city and then later housed here because of my size, I was able to learn through some sources that she thought I ran off with someone. She married my neighbor."

The silence resumed.

I'm sure the only sound in the room was my erratic heartbeat and my breathing, coupled with his soft inhales.

"You're not as mean as you come off."

"And you're not as stupid as you come off."

"That's debatable. I'm giving up my life for a family that doesn't want me. You _were _right. All of this is about getting back to the vampire that only wanted a distraction. Clearly I'm not that smart."

"I never said you were smart. I just said you're not as stupid as you come off. You humans need to listen."

"Well that won't matter for much longer, right?"

He didn't respond.

He didn't have to.

"You're not stupid for wanting to be loved, Bella."

"But?"

"But nothing. Don't let it destroy you. Eternity is a long time to be pissed off all the time. Trust me, I know."

"Is that all it is? A façade so nobody has to know your past? Know about that girl?"

"Something like that."

"Then why tell me about it?"

His arrogant smirk returned, along with the evil glare I'd grown accustomed to throughout my stay.

"Because I know that in three or four days, you won't remember any of this. And even if you do, I've got the feeling that you'll keep your mouth shut. Or I might have to bend you like those disgusting things you've been eating."

"They're pretzels and I'll be the newborn. I'll be significantly stronger, bonehead."

"True. However, you fortunately don't know how to fight. In this case, my brain will easily beat your brute strength."

I laughed; glad to know I'd gained at least one friend. I knew he'd be the only one I could depend on after the change.

"They're going to be here soon. Aro is going to come in and take away everything."

"You chose this. No need to start feeling sorry for yourself now."

"I'm not. I'm just…can you do me a favor?"

Letting out another heavy sigh, he told me, "You know, just because I gave you a peek into my human life doesn't mean that I'm your new brother. Nor do I plan on having a little newborn puppy following me around after today."

"Please do something for me."

"What?" he asked in an exasperated tone.

I took a few moments to gather my thoughts; grateful he chose to only let out three sighs while he impatiently waited. Finally, "Just because the Cullens didn't want me doesn't mean I don't have other family that does. I've got a mother that probably won't know what to do with herself. She's impulsive, so there is a good chance she'll wind up here trying to find me."

"Good chance?" he questioned.

"Bless her heart, she does her best, but I'm not kidding about the impulsive part. Nobody really knows that I'm here and she doesn't have it in her to ask anyone. She'll likely fly to Rome and then wind up in Russia or something just searching.

"And I've got a father who doesn't have anyone else. He won't rest until he finds me."

"He'll come here too."

Felix caught on fast.

"We both know I won't be in any condition to help them or even see them. Please, Felix…don't let them be one of the forty. Don't let them become dinner. Please make sure you protect my family."

He didn't answer.

"It's just three people. My dad, Charlie; and my mom and her husband, Renee and Phil. I look exactly like my dad so it shouldn't be hard to find him. And my mom is loud and Phil follows her like a lost dog so they'll be easy to spot, too. Plus I'm told they smell delicious, kind of like me."

Felix merely stared, not even flinching when the double doors opened to reveal a cheerful Aro, an annoyed Jane, and a bored Alec.

"Bella you look lovely—" Jane snorted at this, "—but I'm sure you'll be downright ravishing when you're finally as you should be. You were meant for this, dear Bella."

I didn't answer him.

Per my usual.

I leaned back again, my last tears silently falling down my cheeks. Aro pulled up a stool beside me whilst his henchmen tying my wrists and ankles to the hard surface that would hold me for three days.

Just as I closed my eyes, I heard the sound of an angel.

_I love you, Bella,_ he whispered to me.

_I love you, Edward,_ I thought to him, sending every bit of love my heart held for him. _ I want you forever_.

Just as I closed my eyes, happy to know Edward would whisper to me throughout my change, I heard him.

"I'll take care of them."

Without turning toward him or opening my eyes, I replied, "Thank you."

Then I felt a searing pain in my neck.

Blackness consumed me.

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_Present Day_

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"I haven't thought about that in a long time."

Nobody said anything.

"If this is making you uncomfortable then—"

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. We want to know everything."

I looked up to see Jasper, surprised by his words. I suppose it will take some getting used to, hearing him talk in general.

_Not that you will get used to it, given this is goodbye,_ I reminded myself.

"Did Charlie ever find you?" asked Esme, her voice low.

I let out a chuckle, surprising even myself.

"Kind of. He came to the city after harassing the woman at the front desk of my hotel for an hour and flagging down several cab drivers. He um…I think he knew I was there. He wouldn't give up on me. Felix told me he stayed there for two weeks, accosting everyone he came in contact with. He knew me. He loved me."

"He did, Bella," affirmed Carlisle, offering me a tentative smile.

"He really did," agreed Edward.

I looked at Edward, dazzled by his intense stare. If my heart still had a beat, it would've already thumped from my chest by now.

"Felix kept his promise then?"

"Yeah, he did. Charlie…I never saw him again. I hope I didn't break his heart too bad. And Renee and Phil only stayed for so long. I was right in that they got lost all over Europe."

I tugged on the sleeves of my shirt, smiling when I felt the seam tear and heard Alice hiss. Some things would never change.

"Was…your change a difficult one?" asked Jasper tactfully, worried about offending me.

I shrugged.

"I guess all changes are difficult," he noted, taking the words right from my mind. "Sorry. Stupid question."

Shaking my head, I replied, "It's not. I guess you could say mine was normal. It took approximately three days and I mostly counted. I'm proud to say I hardly spoke the entire time, and when I did, it only came out in whispers."

I couldn't suppress the smile or the surge of pride when I heard six distinct gasps.

"Not once?"

"No screaming?"

"How did you manage that?"

It is quite the feat, if I do say so myself.

I answered their questions with, "I didn't want to give Jane the satisfaction."

"What did you whisper?"

The question came from Edward. Perfect.

How do I tell him the only word I whispered during the change was his name?

He doesn't need to know the truth.

He doesn't need the pain.

Or the guilt.

So I changed the subject.

"So enough about me," I began, looking away from the wince Edward let out. "What have all of you been up to?"

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_A/N: Haha! I made my week deadline. Even though it's Sunday, it is within the week. I've been exceedingly busy and I hate to force my writing. Luckily this chapter finally came to me two days ago, and I've been adding the finishing touches since then. Plus, I'm trying to get back to work on my other story (meaning the HP one) as well as my new story. Busy, busy!_

Carmine_ is the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the featured story is mine. _


	10. The Wise Words of the Feelings Sponge

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_Current Book_:_ The Time Traveler's Wife _by Audrey Niffenegger  
_Current Fanfiction_: "Clipped Wings and Inked Armor" by hunterhunting (it's absolutely brilliant!)  
_Current TV Show_: _True Blood._ (I'm flippin' hooked.)

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**The Wise Words of the Feelings Sponge**

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_Present Day_

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EPOV

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Over the course of my many years, I think today has made everything the most clear.

Before the change, my life was a simple existence. My father worked to provide for my mother and I, spending his mornings and afternoons in the office and his evenings with us. My mother spent her days acting like the proper American wife, keeping the house spotless and baking cookies for the neighbors.

Meanwhile, I went to school, practiced the piano, and spent my evenings playing baseball with the local kids.

On Christmas there were presents beneath the tree.

On my father's days off, we would spend the day together, going to games or playing cards.

I never wanted for anything.

When we all got sick, it was the first time something really bad ever happened to me. Dad left us first, passing on without my knowledge. I was gone to the delirium at that point, and my mother didn't think it prudent to tell me I no longer had a father.

When I woke up with new eyes I was different, confused, and unknowingly an orphan.

Carlisle did everything he could to make my transition from human to vampire a more comfortable experience.

I never made anything easy on him. I hated him initially for not allowing me to die, as I should have. I placed blame on him for virtually everything: when I slipped up and killed my first human; when I was forced under house arrest, too much of a danger to myself and the rest of the population.

Obviously he did everything to make it easier: gave me books, taught me how to drive, and even gave me space when he felt like I was smothered. He took my insults and resentment, never once speaking poorly of me to my face or behind my back.

When Esme came along, my conflictions grew tenfold. When I got all the attention I sneered at Carlisle, unhappy to even look at his face. On the few days where I didn't allow my childish, adolescent emotions rule me; we played chess or he helped me understand Calculus. Then he brought a woman into the house, a woman he loved wholeheartedly. Suddenly the attention was no longer on me and I immediately wished to have it back.

I wasn't so selfish in not feeling joy in Carlisle having met someone. My companion (I had yet to dub him as a father yet) deserved love, particularly with someone as beautiful inside and out as Esme.

But I felt abandoned.

I felt lonely.

While they were off experiencing the joys of intimacy for the first time, I wallowed in my self-pity and misery, my bitterness growing with each passing day. Carlisle recognized it one evening, after I casually suggested I finally take off on my own. He begged me to stay, offered me everything to do – even so much as willing to forego his nightly rendezvous' with his wife. Naturally his pleas had a damn near pious effect, and I stayed.

I stayed for a while.

I stayed for six years, until 1927, when I decided to experience another form of life. Giving into my vampire nature did not immediately come to me like I envisioned. The smell naturally drew me to people, but after nine years of abstaining human blood, my instinct was surprisingly thwarted before I took my first gulp.

The first man was attempting to rape a young girl around nine in the evening. She couldn't have been more than fourteen, only three years younger than my human age. I saw the fright in her eyes, heard the terror in her mind. When I pulled the man off her, I viciously shoved him into a brick wall and effectively shattered his collarbone.

When I turned my eyes on the girl, which still burned a crisp amber gold, I growled, "Go, girl. Run!"

Without a second thought, she pushed herself off the wall and raced down the alleyway. Once she cleared my line of sight, I turned back to the whimpering man at my feet. His howls of pain didn't disgust me nor did I feel an ounce of remorse.

"Please," he begged, clutching his arm close to his chest, rolling beside my boot.

I never spoke.

I never spoke to any of them.

I felt it was more malicious that way, letting them die in silence. To allow them the opportunity to speak with another, even their executioner, felt too good for any of them.

The first man died screaming for help.

He begged for mercy, pleaded with me to not kill him. After four minutes with me, he was pleading for death.

I granted it.

I turned into a vicious animal, a savage amongst men, claiming victim after victim. I always went for the worst of beasts: murderers, rapists, kidnappers; but even so, they were human beings and I chose to play God.

I played God for roughly five years, until 1931.

I can remember every scream.

I can remember each pairs of eyes (or in the case of one man, his one eye. The idiot chose to attack a young coed on Halloween night dressed a pirate. As he lured her behind the art building of her college, he immediately set out to rape her before slaughtering her. I managed to cut him off directly after he managed to rip the sleeve off her Tinkerbell costume. His eye-patch obscured his left eye, but I'm fairly confident his right eye took in my pretty teeth before I drank from him).

The remorse I steadily grew to feel stemmed from the two individuals I left behind. The people I killed were nothing more than a fleeting thought, an off-color stain on my once clean record. They no more bothered me than the deer I used to slaughter. I felt guilt for disappointing my creator, my best friend.

Dare I have the nerve to call him this: my father.

Carlisle always had been such a noble and honest creature. A loving being I could only strive to make proud. Surely my actions crippled any chance of ever giving him a reason to feel pride over me.

And my dear Esme.

The woman came into this life with the grace of a swan. She handled her new life well, immediately comforting Carlisle as he handled the guilt of giving into the temptation to create yet another companion.

_She_ comforted _him!_

Those two people offered more to the world than anyone would ever know.

And me?

I plagued the world.

It took releasing the corpse of a young male thief for it to finally hit me. What was I doing? Was I really playing God?

I could not allow myself to continue on this way of life.

Sucking up much of my pride, I returned to Wisconsin to my family.

It didn't take me long to find the actual location of their quaint home, Carlisle's reputation as the town's wonder doctor making him a mini-celebrity. After spending a few minutes amongst the hospital staff, asking a few questions, and plucking thoughts from their heads, I made my way to the outskirts of town to find a modest brick home with a wide porch.

For four days I watched Carlisle and Esme through the windows of the home and their modest porch, where Esme gave him a goodbye kiss in the morning and a welcome home kiss in the evening.

They looked perfect together.

It left in an ache in my chest, making me question whether or not they even needed a son.

It was on the fourth day when I finally tuned into their thoughts. I first caught Esme's as she rose from the couch, prepared to put away her sketches in order to snuggle up with Carlisle. Uneager to hear carnal thoughts about my father, I wanted to shut my mind off when a stray thought barreled toward me…

_I miss Edward._

Three words instantly had me on the ground, racing to the door at inhuman speed. Thankfully, due to the late hour, all neighbors were in their homes with the blinds closed, giving me ample time to calm myself before knocking.

After one hundred and forty-seven seconds, I finally knocked, praying for her stray thought to hold truth.

After twelve seconds, ample length for a human to reach the door, Carlisle guarding our secret even in the privacy of his own home, the door swung open.

Neither of us moved, just continued to stare for a long while. His mind surprisingly blank, unusual for my normally insightful father. I nearly bolted when he suddenly threw his arms around my neck, hugging me close and repeating aloud, "Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Thank you…"

At a loss, I returned his hug, taking in the smell of antiseptic from the hospital along with his own innate cologne.

Esme rushed down the stairs, pushing Carlisle out of the way to reach me, making him laugh deeply at her outward joy. She hugged me close, placing motherly kisses everywhere she could reach: my forehead, my eyes, and my cheeks.

It didn't matter I left them. It didn't matter I did horrible things. It didn't matter I hurt them more than I ever meant to.

According to Esme, all that mattered was, "You're home! Thank goodness, you're home and safe."

And so I remained within their circle, accepted once again as a Cullen.

Years went on.

Eventually Rosalie became a member of our coven, the beautiful blonde thrust upon me like some animal. Even with the greatest of intentions, Carlisle managed to cause more damage than good. Aside from the obvious disdain at her current situation, Rosalie was a naturally tenacious individual so…

Let's face it: living with her pre-Emmett was a living hell.

When she wasn't bitching at Carlisle for condemning her to an unnatural, evil life, she was bitching at Esme for liking me more than her and bitching at me over anything she could think of. Her finding Emmett was a Godsend.

It didn't take long for the boisterous man to win each of us over, particularly Rosalie. Though she kept it hidden on the outside, she was smitten by his face and charming accent from the moment she laid eyes on him. His funny, easy-going personality doubled as a bonus, softening the hard exterior of Rosalie none of us could ever hope to reach.

He offered her a piece of the humanity she thought she'd lost.

As long as she shut up, I was happy.

Then came along Alice and Jasper. You can imagine my surprise to come back from a hunting trip, eager to remove myself from a happy (well, as happy Rosalie ever gets) couple, to find myself in the presence of another sickly-sweet duo. I immediately knew something was wrong when I spotted Carlisle on the front porch, his thoughts screaming, "Now Edward, just let me explain."

Naturally, I ignored his wise words and rushed up the stairs; curious as to the havoc Emmett must have done in my bedroom (_I knew I should have waited. I never should have agreed to meet them_). Only…it wasn't my bedroom. Even without my perfect memory I knew the giant _Father of the Bride_ poster wasn't there when I left, nor were the numerous pink and purple items spread throughout the room.

Jasper earned my respect before I met him simply for being able to live in this den of Alice.

Together the seven of us lived a content life – well, I lived a content life whereas the others were happy, peaceful in each other and with their mates.

While they loved each other, relished in the mutual adoration among partners, I never understood the particular draw of their relationships. I never really grasped my own relationship. I thought I loved my family, but I only knew deep fondness.

I knew fondness until 2005.

Until Bella Swan.

Oh, my beautiful girl.

She taught me about love.

She taught me about everything. She opened my eyes to a world beyond mere content to fulfillment.

I learned about hope.

I learned strength.

I learned to love. Not just my Bella, but also everyone within my family.

I didn't learn sheer stupidity until today, though, when I discovered that my leaving her had been in complete vain.

It had been for nothing.

I never wanted this life for her.

Yet here she was before me, looking so heartbreakingly beautiful and sad.

"So enough about me. What have all of you been up to?"

Alice immediately chimed in, "Oh, we've been doing this and that. I have to tell you that you're the reason I found out about my past! Can you believe it, Bella? All those years I didn't know anything because I can't remember anything from my human life and then you came along and managed to help me find out everything in a matter of months. If not for you, I never would have known about my family and my home life and how I ended up as a vampire and got the chance to meet my Jasper and---"

"Whoa," murmured Jasper, sending out tranquility to his overzealous wife. "Take a breath, Alice. You can slow down, we have time."

I noticed Bella's eyes crinkled up upon Alice's quick words. Oh, but the chance to hear her! It would forever plague me, the inability to read her mind. How I desperately wanted to know her thoughts.

"Sorry, Bella, I'm just excited to see you," Alice continued, her slim legs bouncing up and down. "I never got the chance to thank you. You've done so much for me."

"What exactly have I done?" she asked, her voice making me quiver. The beautiful qualities of her human voice had been amplified, making her words ring in my ears like husky bells.

"You don't remember," whispered Alice sadly, briefly meeting my eyes before looking back toward my angel.

As if ashamed, Bella hunched her shoulders and nodded. She whispered, "Like I said, I don't remember much."

"Human memories fade, Bella," Carlisle told her soothingly, easing some of her tension.

"Yeah, Bells, I hardly remember anything from my life. Don't worry about it."

She nodded, trying to give Emmett the benefit of the doubt, but I could see the unease still marring her expression.

Undeterred, Alice went on, "Well, you see, it's a long story, but you inadvertently helped me discover my past."

"How did I do that? I mean…I've got time," she muttered hesitantly, throwing a nervous glance in my direction, "but I'll completely understand if you don't want to get into it now. I shouldn't ask, you've been exceptionally kind already---"

"Nonsense, Bella," interjected Esme, offering her a warm smile.

"She's right! It's your story, why shouldn't you know?"

I watched as she came to grips with the phrase, nodding slowly in agreement. She desperately wanted to know, it was plain as day. Why was she holding back? Why can't she just ask to know?

"Well, it all started at a baseball game, Bella. I was pitching, Edward was in the outfield, and---"

"Oh, holy Hell, just tell her!" interrupted Rosalie, glaring at first Alice and then Bella. My fingers tightened into balls as she flashed her evil, conniving grin toward my angel. "Let's just make a long story short. Edward brought you to our family baseball game, some nomads showed up, one wanted to eat you, we tried to save you, your idiot ass ran off directly into his trap, and he bit you, nearly killing you. There, did I cover everything?"

"Rosalie!"

"Rose!"

"Babe!"

"So what does this have to do with Alice?"

We all turned our focus back on Bella, her inquisitive mien confusing us all. Rosalie looked just as curious, unprepared for Bella to not get up and run at her outburst. Rosalie wanted her to leave, wanted this all over, and didn't foresee her lasting after being yelled at.

_Wow, she's tougher than she looks_.

I certainly had to agree.

_And don't you dare say that shit aloud, Edward!_

Rolling my eyes, I was about to answer Bella's question when Carlisle jumped in first, saying, "Why don't we come back to that later? I think we could all use a little break. How about a tour of the house, Bella?"

"Ohh, a tour! That would be fantastic!" shouted Alice; already cataloguing the items in her closet she thought would look wonderful on Bella.

_That red dress would be fabulous on her. Or maybe the blue number, with the slit on the side. What do you think, Edward?_

Just then a flash of my Bella wearing a low cut, teal dress erupted in the forefront of my mind. The slit revealed her creamy thigh, dangerously high to her hips while the straps barely looked strong enough to hold the piece up. Needless to say, I started shaking my head and shifting in my seat, liking the image far too much.

Smirking, Alice asked, "Want to see my room first?"

Bella blankly stared at me for a moment, almost like she did when she'd been human, back when she loved me. We could feel her hesitancy and it saddened me greatly she no longer trusted us. I wanted to tell her she'd be okay, that we wouldn't hurt her, but she nodded in agreement before I got the chance. Alice snatched up her hand at inhuman speed, pulling her roughly up the stairs.

"Well, that was interesting," commented Jasper, smiling at me.

"What's got you smiling?" asked Emmett, reading my mind.

"I'm kind of taking in the good mood. Finding all of this out today surely should make us all happy!"

"Okay, Feelings Sponge over here is losing it," growled Rosalie.

"Call me all the names you want, I don't care. And I'm not losing it."

"Whatever you have to say spit it out."

Shrugging, he went on, "I know why Bella was so hesitant to leave the room."

"Spit. It. _Out,_" I barked out, my patience gone.

"She didn't want to leave you, Edward."

That caught me off guard. My face must have shown my disbelief for he followed it up with, "I swear to you, Edward, it's true. Throughout this entire conversation she held back from throwing herself at you. Can you say sexual tension?"

In my elation, I barely registered Alice screaming a warning one floor above, Esme letting out an unhappy growl, Emmett's laughter, and my hands shredding the couch cushions.

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_A/N: I'M EPIC FAIL! I know this. I seriously do, I promise. I'll try to make a long story short: I got sick over the summer, which kept me in bed for about a month, and then a VERY close family member got sick. He's presently still sick, in the CCU, and I'm handling it as best as I can (which isn't very good at all). When my attention isn't focused on him, I've got it focused on work and school. I'm doing my best, I promise, to get back on track. I love this story and I have every intention of finishing it._

_I'm not sure if I'll get back into the whole - one week update - thing, but I'm going to attempt it. I've already started on the next chapter. I'm also working a piece for the Twilight Exchange and I'm considering rewriting a piece (one that I never posted) for the Darkward challenge. I've got a lot to do! Luckily I've got some inspiration running through the brain so I'm confident about everything._

_I appreciate the patience. You guys all rock, I swear. (I'm also terribly sorry for the lack of review replies. I assure you, though, that I read all of them!)_

_Shameless plug: just wrote a new oneshot, _Locker Room Talk_, and I'd love for you all to read it!_

_And feel free to follow me on Twitter (link on profile). I don't even know how many people care about it, but if people do want some teasers for this story, I don't mind posting them. Just let me know!_

Carmine_ is the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the featured story is mine._


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